His
intention was so obvious that I found it actually amusing. Any one
could see through it. Poor fellow, perhaps he thinks the idea of
evoking love by first arousing jealousy is a new one. He is an infant
in such matters. I intend him to remain so.
_Thursday_: I have neglected my diary for nearly a fortnight, for I
have been too troubled about Mr. Rawlings to concentrate on anything
else. He is certainly a most remarkable man. Though obviously
suffering he shrinks from any declaration. Often we are alone for
hours (I have asked dear Netta to give him the necessary opportunity to
unburden himself) and he does nothing but stare at me in a fixed and
dreadful way, and remains mute. Of course I know that I am to blame on
account of my former indifference--even antagonism--to him. He is
afraid of rebuff. I have extended encouragement to him by all the
slight means in my power, and Netta has openly handed him my photo,
observing that she knew he would like to have it. I have even gone to
the length of asking Henry to convey to him that he has nothing to
fear; but Henry resolutely refuses to touch on the subject with him. I
cannot understand why, when the happiness of two people is at stake.
_Sunday_: I don't know what impelled me to do it. Perhaps it was the
remembrance of an article of Netta's I once read entitled, 'Should
Women Propose?' where she cited the historic instance of Queen
Victoria, in whose case, on account of her rank, it was a necessity.
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