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Hecht, Ben, 1894-1964

"A Thousand and One Afternoons in Chicago"

"

THE DAGGER VENUS

The great Gabriel Salvini, whose genius has electrified the populace of a
thousand vaudeville centers, sat in his suite at the Astor Hotel and
listened glumly to the strains from a phonograph.
"What is the use?" growled the great Salvini. "It is no use. You listen to
her."
"New music for your act, signor?"
"No, no, no. My wife. You hear her? She lie on the floor. The phonograph
music play. The man call from the phonograph, 'one, two; one, two; one,
higher; one, two.' And my wife, she lie on the floor and she kick up. She
kick down. She roll over. She bend back. She bend forward. But it is no
use."
"Madam is reducing, then, signor?"
"Bah! She kick. She roll. She jump. I say 'Lucia, what good for you to
kick and jump when tonight you sit down and you eat; name of God, how you
eat! Potatoes and more potatoes. Bread with butter on it. Meat, pie,
cream, candy--ten thousand devils! She eat and eat until the eyes stick
out. There is no more place to put. And I say, 'Lucia, you eat enough for
six weeks every time you set down to the table.' I say, 'Lucia, look how
the MacSwiney of Ireland go for thirty weeks without eating one bite.'
Bah!"
"It is difficult to make a woman stop eating, signor.


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