"Behold me then, a man happy and in good health, hiding the rope
in order not to hang myself to the rafters of the room where
every night I went to sleep alone; behold me no longer going
shooting, lest I should yield to the too easy temptation of
putting an end to myself with my gun.
"I did not know what I wanted. I was afraid of life; I was
driven to leave it; and in spite of that I still hoped something
from it.
"All this took place at a time when so far as all my outer
circumstances went, I ought to have been completely happy. I had
a good wife who loved me and whom I loved; good children and a
large property which was increasing with no pains taken on my
part. I was more respected by my kinsfolk and acquaintance than
I had ever been; I was loaded with praise by strangers; and
without exaggeration I could believe my name already famous.
Moreover I was neither insane nor ill. On the contrary, I
possessed a physical and mental strength which I have rarely met
in persons of my age. I could mow as well as the peasants, I
could work with my brain eight hours uninterruptedly and feel no
bad effects.
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