I should think Mary and Martha have not more than
sufficient pocket-money to supply themselves. I wish they had
testified their regard by a less expensive token. Mary's letters
spoke of some of the pictures and cathedrals she had seen--pictures
the most exquisite, cathedrals the most venerable. I hardly know what
swelled to my throat as I read her letter: such a vehement impatience
of restraint and steady work; such a strong wish for wings--wings such
as wealth can furnish; such an urgent thirst to see, to know, to
learn; something internal seemed to expand bodily for a minute. I was
tantalised by the consciousness of faculties unexercised,--then all
collapsed, and I despaired. My dear, I would hardly make that
confession to any one but yourself; and to you, rather in a letter
than _viva voce_. These rebellious and absurd emotions were only
momentary; I quelled them in five minutes. I hope they will not
revive, for they were acutely painful. No further steps have been
taken about the project I mentioned to you, nor probably will be for
the present; but Emily, and Anne, and I, keep it in view. It is our
polar star, and we look to it in all circumstances of despondency. I
begin to suspect I am writing in a strain which will make you think I
am unhappy.
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