She said, 'My youth is leaving me; I can never do better
than I have done, and I have done nothing yet.' At such times she seemed
to think that most human beings were destined by the pressure of worldly
interests to lose one faculty and feeling after another 'till they went
dead altogether. I hope I shall be put in my grave as soon as I'm dead;
I don't want to walk about so.' Here we always differed. I thought the
degradation of nature she feared was a consequence of poverty, and that
she should give her attention to earning money. Sometimes she admitted
this, but could find no means of earning money. At others she seemed
afraid of letting her thoughts dwell on the subject, saying it brought on
the worst palsy of all. Indeed, in her position, nothing less than
entire constant absorption in petty money matters could have scraped
together a provision.
"Of course artists and authors stood high with Charlotte, and the best
thing after their works would have been their company. She used very
inconsistently to rail at money and money-getting, and then wish she was
able to visit all the large towns in Europe, see all the sights and know
all the celebrities. This was her notion of literary fame,--a passport
to the society of clever people . . . When she had become acquainted with
the people and ways at Brussels her life became monotonous, and she fell
into the same hopeless state as at Miss W---'s, though in a less degree.
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