It is a curious position to be so
utterly solitary in the midst of numbers. Sometimes the solitude
oppresses me to an excess. One day, lately, I felt as if I could bear it
no longer, and I went to Madame Heger, and gave her notice. If it had
depended on her, I should certainly have soon been at liberty; but M.
Heger, having heard of what was in agitation, sent for me the day after,
and pronounced with vehemence his decision, that I should not leave. I
could not, at that time, have persevered in my intention without exciting
him to anger; so I promised to stay a little while longer. How long that
will be, I do not know. I should not like to return to England to do
nothing. I am too old for that now; but if I could hear of a favourable
opportunity for commencing a school, I think I should embrace it. We
have as yet no fires here, and I suffer much from cold; otherwise, I am
well in health. Mr. --- will take this letter to England. He is a
pretty-looking and pretty behaved young man, apparently constructed
without a backbone; by which I don't allude to his corporal spine, which
is all right enough, but to his character.
"I get on here after a fashion; but now that Mary D. has left
Brussels, I have nobody to speak to, for I count the Belgians as
nothing. Sometimes I ask myself how long shall I stay here; but as
yet I have only asked the question; I have not answered it.
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