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Kuprin, A. I. (Aleksandr Ivanovich), 1870-1938

"Yama: the pit"

.. why, you can't enumerate
everything! But surely, you yourself are often beset by female
psychopathics of the court-room?"
"Yes," said Ryazanov decisively.
"That's all there is to it. But add to that the most terrible
thing, that every time I have come to feel a genuine inspiration,
I tormentingly feel on the spot the consciousness that I'm
pretending and grimacing before people ... And the fear of the
success of your rival? And the eternal dread of losing your voice,
of straining it or catching a cold? The eternal tormenting bother
of throat bandages? No, really, it is heavy to bear renown on
one's shoulders."
"But the artistic fame?" retorted the lawyer. "The might of
genius! This, verily, is a true moral might, which is above the
might of any king on earth!"
"Yes, yes, of course you're right, my dear. But fame, celebrity,
are sweet only at a distance, when you only dream about them. But
when you have attained them you feel only their thorns. But then,
with what anguish you feel every dram of their decrease. And I
have forgotten to say something else.


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