But no matter how strange, fictitious or paradoxical this may
seem, still, even these compositions, and drawings, and obscene
photographic cards, did not arouse a delightful curiosity. They
were looked upon as a prank, a lark, and the allurement of
contraband risk. In the cadets' library were chaste excerpts from
Pushkin and Lermontov; all of Ostrovsky, who only made you laugh;
and almost all of Turgenev, who was the very one that played a
chief and cruel role in Kolya's life. As it is known, love with
the late great Turgenev is always surrounded with a tantalizing
veil; some sort of crepe, unseizable, forbidden, but tempting: his
maidens have forebodings of love and are agitated at its approach,
and are ashamed beyond all measure, and tremble, and turn red.
Married women or widows travel this tortuous path somewhat
differently: they struggle for a long time with their duty, or
with respectability, or with the opinion of the world; and, in the
end--oh!--fall with tears; or--oh!--begin to brave it; or, which
is still more frequent, the implacable fate cuts short her or his
life at the most--oh!--necessary moment, when it only lacks a
light puff of wind for the ripened fruit to fall.
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