.. Let's go ... I'll teach you
everything."
The phrase was said in a kindly manner; but this phrase the walls
of Anna Markovna's establishment had already heard several
thousand times. Further, that took place which it was so difficult
and painful to recall, that in the middle of his recollections
Kolya grew tired, and with an effort of the will turned back the
imagination to something else. He only remembered dimly the
revolving and spreading circles from the light of the lamp;
persistent kisses; disconcerting contacts--then a sudden sharp
pain, from which one wanted both to die in enjoyment and to cry
out in terror; and then with wonder he saw his pale shaking hands,
which could not, somehow, button his clothes.
Of course, all men have experienced this primordial tristia post
coitus; but this great moral pain, very serious in its
significance and depth, passes very rapidly, remaining, however,
with the majority for a long time--sometimes for all life--in the
form of wearisomeness and awkwardness after certain moments. In a
short while Kolya became accustomed to it; grew bolder, became
familiarized with woman, and rejoiced very much over the fact that
when he came into the establishment, all the girls, and Verka
before all, would call out:
"Jennechka, your lover has come!"
It was pleasant, in relating this to his comrades, to be plucking
at an imaginary moustache.
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