As I spoke I could see the
struggle that was going on within him. When he answered it was to
explain, with the utmost kindness, that if he took me aboard his ship it
would be to forfeit his word of honor to the Turkish Government, his
pledge to take only citizens of neutral countries; that he could not
consider me an American on the strength of my first papers; and that any
such evasion might lead to serious complications for him and for his
Government. Well, there was nothing for me to do but to withdraw and go
back to Jaffa to face trial for an attempt to escape.
When I reached the deck again I found it swarming with refugees, many of
whom knew me and came up to congratulate me on getting away. I could
only shake my head and with death in my heart descend the Tennessee's
ladder. It did not matter now what boat I took. Any boatman was eager
enough to take me for a few cents. As I sat in the boat, every stroke of
the oars bringing me nearer to the shore and to what I felt was
inevitable captivity, a great bitterness swelled my heart. I was tired,
utterly tired of all the dangers and trials I had been going through for
the last months. From depression I sank into despair and out of despair
came, strange to say, a great serenity, the serenity of despair.
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