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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Cobwebs from an Empty Skull"

The
patriarch nodded gravely, as if the feat were an every-day affair, and
the other continued:
"I once laid an egg alongside a water-melon, and compared the two. The
vegetable was considerably the larger."
This fable is intended to show the absurdity of hearing all a man has
to say.


XXVI.

[Illustration]
Seeing himself getting beyond his depth, a bathing naturalist called
lustily for succour.
"Anything _I_ can do for you?" inquired the engaging octopus.
"Happy to serve you, I am sure," said the accommodating leech.
"Command _me_," added the earnest crab.
"Gentlemen of the briny deep," exclaimed the gasping _savant_, "I am
compelled to decline your friendly offices, but I tender you my
scientific gratitude; and, as a return favour, I beg, with this my
last breath, that you will accept the freedom of my aquarium, and make
it your home."
This tale proves that scientific gratitude is quite as bad as the
natural sort.


XXVII.

Two whales seizing a pike, attempted in turn to swallow him, but
without success. They finally determined to try him jointly, each
taking hold of an end, and both shutting their eyes for a grand
effort, when a shark darted silently between them, biting away the
whole body of their prey.


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