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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Cobwebs from an Empty Skull"

"
"Suppose," said the burden, "I were a man in a sack; what disposition
would you make of me?"
"The regular thing," replied the man, "would be to take you over to
Constantinople, and pitch you into the Bosphorus; but I should
probably content myself with laying you down and jumping on you, as
being more agreeable to my feelings, and quite as efficacious."
"But suppose," continued the burden, "I were a shoulder of
beef--which I quite as much resemble--belonging to some poor family?"
"In that case," replied the man, promptly, "I should carry you to my
larder, my good fellow."
"But if I were a sack of gold, do you think you would find me very
onerous?" said the burden.
"A great deal would depend," was the answer, "upon whom you happened
to belong to; but I may say, generally, that gold upon the shoulders
is wonderfully light, considering the weight of it."
"Behold," said the burden, "the folly of mankind: they cannot perceive
that the _quality_ of the burdens of life is a matter of no
importance. The question of pounds and ounces is the only
consideration of any real weight."


LVII.

A ghost meeting a genie, one wintry night, said to him:
"Extremely harassing weather, friend. Wish I had some teeth to
chatter!"
"You do not need them," said the other; "you can always chatter those
of other people, by merely showing yourself.


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