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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Cobwebs from an Empty Skull"

"
They escaped this melancholy fate, however, for some Chaldean
shepherds, seeing a nebulous cloud drifting athwart the heavens, and
obscuring a favourite planet they had just invented, brought out their
most powerful telescopes and resolved it into independent cows--whom
they proceeded to slaughter in detail with the instruments of smaller
calibre. There have been occasional "meat showers" ever since. These
are probably nothing more than--
[Our author can be depended upon in matters of fact; his scientific
theories are not worth printing.--TRANSLATOR.]


LXXIII.

A bear, who had worn himself out walking from one end of his cage to
the other, addressed his keeper thus:
"I say, friend, if you don't procure me a shorter cage I shall have to
give up zoology; it is about the most wearing pursuit I ever engaged
in. I favour the advancement of science, but the mechanical part of it
is a trifle severe, and ought to be done by contract."
"You are quite right, my hearty," said the keeper, "it _is_ severe;
and there have been several excellent plans proposed to lighten the
drudgery. Pending the adoption of some of them, you would find a
partial relief in lying down and keeping quiet."
"It won't do--it won't do!" replied the bear, with a mournful shake
of the head, "it's not the orthodox thing.


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