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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Cobwebs from an Empty Skull"

--I should at least hop my clods in a humble and Christian spirit;
and if some other fellow did did not so hop his--! I say no more.
F.--You have said enough; there would be war.
* * * * *
SOLDIER.--Why wear a cap and bells?
FOOL.--I hasten to crave pardon, and if spared will at once exchange
them.
S.--For what?
F.--A helmet and feather.
S.--G "hang a calf-skin on those recreant limbs."
F.--'T is only wisdom should be bound in calf.
S.--Why?
F.--Because wisdom is the veal of which folly is the matured beef.
S.--Then folly should be garbed in cow-skin?
F.--Aye, that it might the more speedily appear for what it is--the
naked truth.
S.--How should it?
F.--You would soon strip off its hide to make harness and trappings
withal. No one thinks how much conquerors owe to cows.
* * * * *
FOOL.--Tell me, hero, what is strategy?
SOLDIER.--The art of laying two knives against one throat.
F.--And what are tactics?
S.--The art of driving them home.
F.--Supermundane lexicographer!
S.--I'll bust thy crust! (_Attempts to draw his sword, gets it between
his legs, and falls along_.)
F. (_from a distance_)--Shall I summon an army, or a sexton? And will
you have it of bronze, or marble?
* * * * *
FOOL.


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