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Bierce, Ambrose, 1842-1914?

"Cobwebs from an Empty Skull"

Then turning to his mill-stones, he
shook his head with an air of intense self-satisfaction:
"Py donner! Dot Yo Garfey bees a geen, shmard yockey, but he gonnot
spiel me svoppin' yackasses!"
* * * * *


DR. DEADWOOD, I PRESUME.

My name is Shandy, and this is the record of my Sentimental Journey.
Mr. Ames Jordan Gannett, proprietor's son of the "York----," with
which paper I am connected by marriage, sent me a post-card in a
sealed envelope, asking me to call at a well-known restaurant in
Regent Street. I was then at a well-known restaurant in Houndsditch. I
put on my worst and only hat, and went. I found Mr. Gannett, at
dinner, eating pease with his knife, in the manner of his countrymen.
He opened the conversation, characteristically, thus:
"Where's Dr. Deadwood?"
After several ineffectual guesses I had a happy thought. I asked him:
"Am I my brother's bar-keeper?"
Mr. Gannett pondered deeply, with his forefinger alongside his nose.
Finally he replied:
"I give it up."
He continued to eat for some moments in profound silence, as that of a
man very much in earnest. Suddenly he resumed:
"Here is a blank cheque, signed. I will send you all my father's
personal property to-morrow. Take this and find Dr.


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